is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
