omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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