i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
