Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
