His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize