I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
