whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
