I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
