dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
