I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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