dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
