Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
