How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
