I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
