I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
