What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
