Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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