She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think my moral compass just broke
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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