"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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