drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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