I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
