How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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