It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
