I think I died a long time ago.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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