Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
