i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
