Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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