It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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