if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
