Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
