dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
