i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
