Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
