The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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