the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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