I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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