Please don't use social media to get back at me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
