Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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