Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
