We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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