Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
