Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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