Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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