she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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