ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
