yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
