Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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