you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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