he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize