yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
