u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm both gender and math confused
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
