I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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