a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Porn is love you can see.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
try to milk me bitch
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