I think my vagina is haunted
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
