So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
