at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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