So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
