bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
