My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
