Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
