took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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