I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
