I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
