Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
