I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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