Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
