Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
